Welcome to my new blog, chronicling my undying love and affection for my new, shiny, lovely Kitchenaid mixer Ophelia (see my account information for more on how Ophelia was named) and all things foodie (I'm sure there will also be snippets of life around here, as well). Yes, I'm jumping on the food blog wagon. Now, if it's anything like 4th grade and the Oregon Trail, I am going to kick ass at this.
Now, those of who you know me, know that I have a bit of an obsession with Ina Garten (Barefoot Contessa) and her amazing powers of food awesome. Yesterday, I made her chicken piccata with her roasted vegetable orzo salad. And then I spent the rest of the night in a lemon-induced Ina stupor. My friends topped the night off with brownies and this killer cookie dough frosting (P., I need this recipe, hint hint:). This was a good thing, as we then went to see Momma Mia. What a sour end to the night, although the music and company was good. So, I came home and baked. And then I baked some more the next day, as well. ABBA said to take a chance, so I thought I would. Story as follows:
Again, those of you who know me also know my consternation with cookies. I can bake bars like Martha Stewart on crack. Pies and cakes have nothing on these meaty Midwestern hands. But, cookies. Cookies, my friends, are the place in the trail where, instead of hiring a guide to get across the river, I consistently try to ford it myself, and sink every time. Every time I think it's going to be different. Every time I flunk out. I burn them, or leave them doughy. I make them uneven and flat, almost disgusting. How do you make disgusting chocolate chip cookies? Talent, I tell you. Talent and sheer dumb ass bad luck. Chocolate chip cookies are, quite literally, the bain of my existence. They taunt me in my sleep, the bag of chips calling me names from my kitchen and daring me to try to make them again. Never one to forgo a challenge, I always answer. I've tried the recipe on the back of the Toll House bag of chips, in my Good Housekeeping cookbook, on AllRecipes.com, from my family's own recipe stash. None of them have been successful. I made three, count them three, batches last night. All of them are not great. One is marginal, the other two down right ridiculous. Back to the drawing boards. Anyone have a great chocolate chip cookie recipe and dummy-proof instructions they'd care to share? Ophelia would appreciate it.
Signed,
Cookie Monster
PS -- to tide you over until I post some food pron, above is a picture of Ophelia at the start of our inappropriate relationship (read: my undying love, admiration and worshiping at poor Ophelia's shrine). Ophelia had no idea what she was getting into. My amazing friends have created a baking monster. At least I love her a lot.
1 comment:
I cracked up all the way through. I love the way you write, and given your status as a grad student firmly entrenched in hell, I haven't seen this writing from you in, well, too long. I do find it hard to believe that someone so talented could suck at cookies so hard. You should talk to Anne--she's a cookie-baking fiend.
Post a Comment